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Rev. Judd Stinson
Senior Pastor
Rev. Irie Cyree
Associate Pastor
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WANTED: MOM
My friend, George Strunk, senior minister of Christ United Methodist Church, Louisville, Kentucky, shared this article in his church newsletter. This job description helped me remember all the reasons I have to be grateful for the wonderful mother who raised me. I hope it will be meaningful to you as well.
JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITES: Must provide on-site training to basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution, and crisis management. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as: “You don’t know anything.” Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs to go to the movie. Must be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay THEM, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, this job gives limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Being a mother is a demanding job. Salary.com, a website that researches average salaries for various jobs, reports that moms would earn an average of $138,095, including overtime, if they received a paycheck. We celebrate the priceless role played by all those who are mothers and all who are like mothers to us and to our church family. We thank God for you!
Rev. Judd Stinson
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